Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
