apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
