i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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