I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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