Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
