We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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