I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
