sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
