My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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