yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
