Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
