So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
