Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize