Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
