soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she smelled like a LAN party
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
