Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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