Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
