No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
