This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had