3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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