hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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