dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
