she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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