i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
