anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
