If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
