dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
