I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
smell my finger.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
