I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize