tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
