Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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