..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
