I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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