playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
