She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
