shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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