I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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