Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
