hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
