Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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