I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
