oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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