I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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