You just made me feel so damn special
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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