dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
