i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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