and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
