he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
