Porn is love you can see.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My dick has a subreddit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
