I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
