remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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