I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
