3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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