Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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