I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
