Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
