I cannot find my penis.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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