The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
