ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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