You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
