im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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