You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Umm I'm too high to move.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
